Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a form of short-term therapy that aims to improve couple relationships by rekindling the physical and emotional bond that can get sacrificed to disappointment in a partner and alienation from them, a common dynamic in distressed couples. If there is a motto for EFT, it is: “Hold me tight.”
Drawing on research supporting attachment theory, the therapy regards the security of partner connection as the best lever for change in a dysfunctional relationship and a necessary source of both couple and individual growth. Love, in short, is transformative. Restoration of the emotional ties enables partners to be physically and psychologically open and responsive to each other so that they can construct a mutually supportive and satisfying relationship in the moment and for the future.
EFT operates on the evidence that emotions are not accessories to human experience but organizing principles of our lives. The expression of longing and sadness over isolation is a powerful tool for eliciting the lost contact and responsiveness of a partner. Once that contact is restored, it becomes a renewable source of mutual comfort, a buffer against life’s many stresses. Couples can then go on to solve their own problems.
With the guidance of the therapist, couples are led to discover the unmet need for closeness that lies under their anger or alienation. Sharing that vulnerability not only opens the door to a new couple's dialogue but creates instant opportunities for expressions of tenderness. “Emotional responsiveness—tuning into and supporting the other—is the key defining element of love,” says Sue Johnson, Ph.D., who developed EFT along with Leslie Greenberg, Ph.D.